woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
