Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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