remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
