I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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