Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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