my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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