he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
