Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
