last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
