My balls are so social today.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
