A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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