I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
