Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
