Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
