I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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