Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
