I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
