My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
