I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
