It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
