watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
