I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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