I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
