yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
