dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
