My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
