I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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