did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
