sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
