I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
