is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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