Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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