I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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So much Jack, so little girl.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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