it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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