I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
