Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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