I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
