ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
