so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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