I didn't shave. On purpose
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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