I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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