Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
