nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
