took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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