Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
