When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Houston, we have a squirter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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