I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
