i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
