She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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