remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
