Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
