xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
