So drunk its hurt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
