Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
