i barfeds in our rink
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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