Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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