I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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