Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
