New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
