She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
