There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
