If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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