so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
