Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im part way to drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
