would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
