hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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