youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
