her vagine was all disorganized.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize