You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
