Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just barfed on his mom.

(404): View more from Georgia

You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Princesses don't give blow jobs

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(607): View more from New York

she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

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(804): View more from Virginia

My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!

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(858): View more from California

I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight

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