what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
