who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we should paint friendship bongs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
