Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
