sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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